for office mary; stuck in snowy new jersey on a tuesday.

to do today:

1. seek out office mate who keeps faxing blank documents to my desk and pose the question, "do you or do you not understand the icon affixed to the top of the fax feeder that displays the side of the page on which the text should be facing when sent through the actual fax machine?" explain that if said icon shows lines facing downward, said office mate is feeding the fax machine incorrectly, and vice versa. proceed to hand back 32 sheets of blank paper and ask said employee to try again.
2. research the ingredients in a $.99 bag of Cheetos puffs and a can of Dr. Pepper. cross-compare them to find out why the aftertaste from the combination of the two is both disgusting and reminscent of stale walnuts.
3. look into possible explanations as to why all of my ex-boyfriends to whom i am still strongly sexually attracted to have either internet personas or musical acts that are somehow directly related to david bowie and/or his lyrics.
4. research how to remove cheeto stains from black express slacks.
5. fish 6 "sign here" sticky arrows out of my "damn i'm good" coffee cup.
6. sneak into coworker's office down the hall and unplug glade christmas scented air freshener so that my clothing no longer smells like apples and cinnamon when i leave work.
7. hop on craigslist to look for a faux house for me and blommy to move in to when he comes back from ny. also use precious craigslist time to look up pets for adoption for no particular reason.
8. figure out why the "e" key on my keyboard appears to be the only letter that has rubbed off; perhaps create a project researching how many times a day on average the letter "e" is used. 24 times in that last sentence. now 28.
9. get my pepsi out of the work freezer before it explodes.
10. find all english speaking nail salon in the central sd area so that i don't have to make a stop at "fashion nails" in coronado just so the vietnamese women can hurt my pride and induce an anxiety attack when they whisper to one another from across the room and chuckle quietly to themselves. either find new salon close to the office, or learn how to speak vietnamese.