rawhead and bloodybones

listening to siouxsie makes me horny. i should probably stop listening to siouxsie at work.

things that i think are awesome, pt. 1

it's been a tradition as of late that when megan, m.e. and i get bored at work, we email lists to one another. any kind of list. something to kick the brain into gear on those days when we're a little slow on the uptake; a workout for our sarcasm centers and a little reminder of how hilarious we are. even if only in our own minds.
today, i am not feeling witty. so instead of making a list of painful dental procedures i'd rather be enduring instead of sitting in my office, or reasons why i think my hairdresser should go to hell, or all of the guys i've slept with and run into at the same bar in one night, i'm making the first list in a series of lists of things that make me happy.
take that, universe.

1. once in the not-so-distant past, megan and i tried to pull a mattress out from behind my couch (don't ask what it was doing there - those details are not important) and we were wasted and couldn't lift the damn thing off the ground and i accidentally ripped the tag off of the mattress and megan told me i was going to jail.
2. taking naps in the sunshine. preferably in a park. preferably with no children. dogs are ok.
3. saying "you got guttenburged". i actually have yet to say it, but when i do, it's gonna rock your socks off.
4. listening to r&b with duane hooper. no explanation needed. if you saw how this boy smiles when r. kelly comes on, you'd never want for anything more in your life. except for maybe more r. kelly.
5. bubble wrap
6. reading emails that m.e. sends that give me the best visual pictures of exactly what she's doing. for example, "Now I'm putting a hurting on a bag of carmel corn flavored ricecakes. I'm almost down to the last cake...I'll probably dump the crumbs all over my face." that shit makes me happy for real.
7. shopping at target for shit i don't and won't need in a million years.
8. good ol' fashioned flirting. so fun.
9. jeff buckley's "hallelujah". i don't need to say anything about this song. it's made of pure magic.
10. not exercising
11. champagne
12. getting letters in the mail - and let me just state for the record, i haven't gotten one in almost 8 years. so somebody needs to get on it.
13. george harrison
14. the hat company sign i bought from the antique store that's hanging in my bathroom. megan - you know the one.
15. saturday mornings
16. brian's breakfast at lunch time
17. gareth listening to "buffalo stance" on loop in oakland for an entire weekend.
18. post-it notes. dangerous love affair.
19. having a clean bathtub
20. impromptu dance parties with steve-o, sean, jamie and nikki
21. liquid eyeliner
22. burnt rancheria campgrounds
23. theme parties at dan reed's house in the boondocks
24. making mimi laugh until she cries and breaks a sweat. i know it sounds mean, but it's actually quite excellent. her laugh is contagious.
25. recalling outfits of the past with megan
26. "lola" by the kinks
27. the suspension bridge at night
28. geo's shoe collection
29. drums
30. greek island cafe at seaport


ok. i think that's sufficient for the time being. i promise sometime soon i'll be back to write something of significance that doesn't involve making a list. but dig this anyway. i'm smiling.

rats on snack attack

1. 1 Special K peaches and something breakfast bar
2. giant tupperware container of crackers and cheese
3. 2 cups of decaf (i kicked caffeine exactly 15 days ago. it's going really well except for that part where i can't stay awake at work and i twitch a lot.)
4. 1/2 package of Ballerina cookies that i bought at ikea (see yesterday's post)
5. 1 slice of pepperoni pizza - cold - out of my fridge
6. 1 bag of Kellog's Fruity Snacks, not to be confused with the OG Fruit Snacks, which were actually much more delicious.
7. 1 cup of regular coffee (screw you. i'm weak.)
8. 2 Otter Pops
9. 1 small salad leftover from lunch meeting
10. 1/2 of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
11. 1/3 container of Dibs that i stole from someone out of the work freezer
12. 1 Pepsi
13. 1 more slice of pizza - also leftover from the work meeting
14. remainder of the Ballerina cookies

it is now 2:30 and i can't sit upright in my chair. i'm also wondering if i should eat the other half of the pb&j, or save it for my inevitable 3pm fix. hmm.

Rogue Monkey Eludes Police Dragnet At Tokyo Train Station

i'm not going to lie - there's not an inch of my body or mind that feels like being creative today, so i'm definitely cutting and pasting old entries from my livejournal account from 2004 to 2006. feel free to have a laugh. or a cry. whatever hits you first.

i wrote this one about paul - 12.17.04:

i drank too much lastnight. [again.]
fell asleep around 4.
you were with me, in dreams - calling me 'baby' with your head on my chest
looking up at me with lying eyes
warm hands
and a criminal heart.
everything i never wanted you to be.
"baby, lets make love tonight
lay down beside me
turn out the light,"
and i did
and we did
and it was as good as real.
i woke up late today
minutes after noon
still drunk[less fun]
knowing that i hadn't paid my bills
or painted my toenails.
knowing that i still hadn't heard from you.

when the light comes through my window
and the wine leaves my head
i'll need a better reason
to lie in this bed.

this one was for dan - 2.17.05:

i have to believe death is fair enough
because nothing else these days is.
my life is overflowing with downsides
and long lines
empty gas tanks, filled prescriptions,
disappearing acts, and more recently
lovestrucksuckerpunches.
i dig my nails into affection as if it were some type of solution.
i let myself become a comfort
a company that you climb into
and i pretend that i don't think it odd in the least
that you've kissed the very core of me
yet
you don't know my last name.
truthfully, this is not something that i do.
i wake up weak
but full of purpose every morning.
i drink a cup of coffee
smoke
i stand in the shower for 25 minutes and list every reason why
i should never be someone's somebody
i think about covering my body with new clothes, shiny jewelry,
tattoos.
anything but shared bedsheets and a lover.
yet here i am -
thinking of you too often
aching to speak my next words into your ears.
wanting your arms
and your eyelashes
and every last one of your fears.
i wish it didn't take so much out of me
to give to you.

for dan again - 2.11.05

boy
i want to call you
when its raining outside.
i want to tangle with you
beneath blankets of heartbeat and anticipation
curl up to the heat of your breath on my skin.
i want your voice to sing me into sweet submission
until your words melt into whispers;
and when i let you in
beautiful boy
i'll
scream
you
out.
i want to kiss your lips
wrists
hips
as though we're drowning in this flood.
let the rain pour in through doors and windows
and we'll float right here until morning.
this downfall is making my body so restless
and i sure could use some love here in my void.
so put the needle on the record, baby,
and clear a path for me through these showers.
i'm coming over to be the kitten at your feet.

pre-ambien - 1.30.05

this lack of sleep is enough to convince me to get in my car and cross that fucking border to pick up some cheap pills. i can't settle down to save my life and this ceiling isn't much to stare at-especially when no one's on top. i'm starting to rethink taking the TV out of my room. not that i'd watch it, but the shadows it casts on the walls sometimes scare me into sweet dreams. i need a glass of pinot noir
and a really good bedtime story.

for paul and the first time he said "i love you" - 11.5.05

last night
i slept next to a man
who never got around to loving me.
not that he didn't want to -
i suppose he just didn't have the time.
for 4 years
i knew nothing else but loving him.
i didn't tell him until the 3rd year,
and by then, i loved him so deeply
that it consumed all of me
and there was nothing left for anyone else to know.
last night
i slept next to the man who waited until the 4th year
to return the favor,
and followed it with 6 months
of
not another
word.
i know now
he only said it
because he thought i was asleep.

because sebastian was an idiot in high school english - 1.13.06

with baited breath
i waited.
love
a hook on the tip of my tongue.
i cast my line into the deepest of oceans
and all i caught

was a selfish.





anywho...i'm gonna get back to work for the time being.
hopefully tomorrow i'll have something more original to say. cross your fingers.

oh, and in other news, i just spent a boatload of scrilla at ikea and i have no idea what i bought. i think there may have been a picture frame involved. or maybe it was a mirror. whatever it is, it's in the trunk of my car and i can't wait to take it home and figure out how to adhere it to the wall.
score.