"are you happy being just that?"
"i suppose not. but it's really all i've ever been now, isn't it?"
"not to me."
"yeah, well. you sure have a funny way of showing it."
"c'mon, babe. i love you. you know that."
"i love you too, darling. but it doesn't seem to be enough. can't you find some other girl to put up with you?"
"i can find a ton of girls to put up with me."
"but?"
"but i don't love them. not like i love you."
"i highly doubt they'd love you as much as i do, either."
"nobody will."
"so why is it, then, my love? always the other one; never the one?"
"that's not how it is, babe. we're gonna get married someday."
"i can only wait so long, love. sooner or later someone else is going to wise up and sweep me away from you."
"no one could ever do that, babe. i won't let them. it's always been me and you. always."
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
meet me in the city...
Meet me while I'm in the city
and see everything is so fine
We'll get together now darling
Oh yes we will
We'll make everything alright
Now honey don't
Oh honey don't
Please, please don't leave me right now baby
Right now, right now
Oh no no no
You got me baby
You got me darling
You got me where you want me baby
Girl I know you are
Satisfied
Still begging you baby
Don't leave me here
Please, please don't leave me
Right now baby, right now , right now
oh no no no
- the black keys
and see everything is so fine
We'll get together now darling
Oh yes we will
We'll make everything alright
Now honey don't
Oh honey don't
Please, please don't leave me right now baby
Right now, right now
Oh no no no
You got me baby
You got me darling
You got me where you want me baby
Girl I know you are
Satisfied
Still begging you baby
Don't leave me here
Please, please don't leave me
Right now baby, right now , right now
oh no no no
- the black keys
Monday, January 26, 2009
trash vs. treasure.
this isn't a relationship, baby.
it's a competition.
and no matter how much i love you -
i
just
can't
win.
it's a competition.
and no matter how much i love you -
i
just
can't
win.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
ways to make me angry, pt.1
1. stop and stare into my office window every time you walk down the hall. not to be confused with a passing glance or short wave "hello" while you hurry by. no, this is more of a "stop and stare at me while i'm in the middle of very important things and wait for me to look up and acknowledge you" type of thing. see also: tapping on glass until i look up from my computer. this is not a zoo/pet shop and if it were there are usually signs restricting you from doing that type of thing so really its not ok no matter how you look at it.
2. silence in a bathroom stall. i already despise public restrooms, but please help to make my experience a little more enjoyable by avoiding that whole "sitting very still" thing. the door is locked, so yes, i believe i've already caught you in the act. no need to sit in complete silence while i do my thing and make me wonder if a.) you are actually a lurker waiting to catch me with my pants down in order to rape/kill/rob me or b.) you have died in the stall next door due to unforeseen circumstances. if i worry enough about b, i might have to force my way either under or over the stall wall and this would no doubt result in a very awkward situation for the both of us if it was done in vain. do not misunderstand me - i'm not asking for screams or conversations while you're dropping a deuce but an occasional cough or rustle of the toilet seat cover to let me know you're still kickin' would suffice. and don't be shy about doing your business. that's what bathrooms are for. i, in turn, will not feel like the jerk when my morning coffee kicks in. if you know what i'm sayin'.
3. comment on the amount of lists that i make. yes, i'm aware. it's my bag, ok? this is what i do. you can either dig it or get out of the kitchen.
4. talk to me while wearing a blue-tooth. actually, don't wear a blue-tooth, period. i understand driving laws and all of the here and there and what have you, but unless you are driving and one of your limbs has flown out of the window of your automobile, there is no reason for you to be making a phone call on your "headset".
5. leave 1/3 of a cup of coffee in the bottom of the pot right before a meeting. that's just rude. there are no two ways around it.
6. stand directly behind or in front of me on an escalator. i know people who feel my pain on this one. there are at least 200 steps on most of these bad boys, and let's be honest, unless you're a pick-pocket or you want to get into my pants, there's no reason for you to be so close. i don't want to feel you breathing if i don't know who you are.
7. last but not least - shove all hangers from the rack that we are both shopping from over to my end. don't do that. we can share the same space, and most certainly the same rack of clothing. people do it all the time. that's what shopping is about. and while i'm on this subject, do not let your children crawl in and out of said clothing racks. i don't want to sustain injuries from unexpected cardiac arrest while in nordstrom rack. i'm looking at sevens that i'll never fit into and boom! here's your 5-year-old's face peering at me through a rack full of jeans. your kid has just taken 10 years off of my life. do the math:
1 5 year-old + $118.00 7 jeans + 27 year old me - 10 years = not good.
it doesn't all add up to be worth it.
2. silence in a bathroom stall. i already despise public restrooms, but please help to make my experience a little more enjoyable by avoiding that whole "sitting very still" thing. the door is locked, so yes, i believe i've already caught you in the act. no need to sit in complete silence while i do my thing and make me wonder if a.) you are actually a lurker waiting to catch me with my pants down in order to rape/kill/rob me or b.) you have died in the stall next door due to unforeseen circumstances. if i worry enough about b, i might have to force my way either under or over the stall wall and this would no doubt result in a very awkward situation for the both of us if it was done in vain. do not misunderstand me - i'm not asking for screams or conversations while you're dropping a deuce but an occasional cough or rustle of the toilet seat cover to let me know you're still kickin' would suffice. and don't be shy about doing your business. that's what bathrooms are for. i, in turn, will not feel like the jerk when my morning coffee kicks in. if you know what i'm sayin'.
3. comment on the amount of lists that i make. yes, i'm aware. it's my bag, ok? this is what i do. you can either dig it or get out of the kitchen.
4. talk to me while wearing a blue-tooth. actually, don't wear a blue-tooth, period. i understand driving laws and all of the here and there and what have you, but unless you are driving and one of your limbs has flown out of the window of your automobile, there is no reason for you to be making a phone call on your "headset".
5. leave 1/3 of a cup of coffee in the bottom of the pot right before a meeting. that's just rude. there are no two ways around it.
6. stand directly behind or in front of me on an escalator. i know people who feel my pain on this one. there are at least 200 steps on most of these bad boys, and let's be honest, unless you're a pick-pocket or you want to get into my pants, there's no reason for you to be so close. i don't want to feel you breathing if i don't know who you are.
7. last but not least - shove all hangers from the rack that we are both shopping from over to my end. don't do that. we can share the same space, and most certainly the same rack of clothing. people do it all the time. that's what shopping is about. and while i'm on this subject, do not let your children crawl in and out of said clothing racks. i don't want to sustain injuries from unexpected cardiac arrest while in nordstrom rack. i'm looking at sevens that i'll never fit into and boom! here's your 5-year-old's face peering at me through a rack full of jeans. your kid has just taken 10 years off of my life. do the math:
1 5 year-old + $118.00 7 jeans + 27 year old me - 10 years = not good.
it doesn't all add up to be worth it.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
for office mary; stuck in snowy new jersey on a tuesday.
to do today:
1. seek out office mate who keeps faxing blank documents to my desk and pose the question, "do you or do you not understand the icon affixed to the top of the fax feeder that displays the side of the page on which the text should be facing when sent through the actual fax machine?" explain that if said icon shows lines facing downward, said office mate is feeding the fax machine incorrectly, and vice versa. proceed to hand back 32 sheets of blank paper and ask said employee to try again.
2. research the ingredients in a $.99 bag of Cheetos puffs and a can of Dr. Pepper. cross-compare them to find out why the aftertaste from the combination of the two is both disgusting and reminscent of stale walnuts.
3. look into possible explanations as to why all of my ex-boyfriends to whom i am still strongly sexually attracted to have either internet personas or musical acts that are somehow directly related to david bowie and/or his lyrics.
4. research how to remove cheeto stains from black express slacks.
5. fish 6 "sign here" sticky arrows out of my "damn i'm good" coffee cup.
6. sneak into coworker's office down the hall and unplug glade christmas scented air freshener so that my clothing no longer smells like apples and cinnamon when i leave work.
7. hop on craigslist to look for a faux house for me and blommy to move in to when he comes back from ny. also use precious craigslist time to look up pets for adoption for no particular reason.
8. figure out why the "e" key on my keyboard appears to be the only letter that has rubbed off; perhaps create a project researching how many times a day on average the letter "e" is used. 24 times in that last sentence. now 28.
9. get my pepsi out of the work freezer before it explodes.
10. find all english speaking nail salon in the central sd area so that i don't have to make a stop at "fashion nails" in coronado just so the vietnamese women can hurt my pride and induce an anxiety attack when they whisper to one another from across the room and chuckle quietly to themselves. either find new salon close to the office, or learn how to speak vietnamese.
1. seek out office mate who keeps faxing blank documents to my desk and pose the question, "do you or do you not understand the icon affixed to the top of the fax feeder that displays the side of the page on which the text should be facing when sent through the actual fax machine?" explain that if said icon shows lines facing downward, said office mate is feeding the fax machine incorrectly, and vice versa. proceed to hand back 32 sheets of blank paper and ask said employee to try again.
2. research the ingredients in a $.99 bag of Cheetos puffs and a can of Dr. Pepper. cross-compare them to find out why the aftertaste from the combination of the two is both disgusting and reminscent of stale walnuts.
3. look into possible explanations as to why all of my ex-boyfriends to whom i am still strongly sexually attracted to have either internet personas or musical acts that are somehow directly related to david bowie and/or his lyrics.
4. research how to remove cheeto stains from black express slacks.
5. fish 6 "sign here" sticky arrows out of my "damn i'm good" coffee cup.
6. sneak into coworker's office down the hall and unplug glade christmas scented air freshener so that my clothing no longer smells like apples and cinnamon when i leave work.
7. hop on craigslist to look for a faux house for me and blommy to move in to when he comes back from ny. also use precious craigslist time to look up pets for adoption for no particular reason.
8. figure out why the "e" key on my keyboard appears to be the only letter that has rubbed off; perhaps create a project researching how many times a day on average the letter "e" is used. 24 times in that last sentence. now 28.
9. get my pepsi out of the work freezer before it explodes.
10. find all english speaking nail salon in the central sd area so that i don't have to make a stop at "fashion nails" in coronado just so the vietnamese women can hurt my pride and induce an anxiety attack when they whisper to one another from across the room and chuckle quietly to themselves. either find new salon close to the office, or learn how to speak vietnamese.
Monday, December 8, 2008
i'll be 27 in two days.
you'd think i'd be a little more responsible with this blogging thing. truth is, too much shit hit the proverbial fan and i couldn't figure out how to translate it into proper words. i basically just sat around for two months making grunting noises and eating pastries.
i think i'm back to normal. as much as i can be, anyway. i'm starting to feel witty and funny again and somewhat attractive to the opposite sex. i still hate my wardrobe. i hate my bank account more for not affording me the ability to improve upon the wardrobe that i hate. i'm still too afraid to let myself be alone, meaning i'm still stuck in a dead-end relationship with an absolute mess who is addicted to opiates and doesn't love me for who i really am. i still don't feel like i've done enough dancing to make up for the three months i spent hiding indoors. i'm still trying to figure out how to get home after work and get things done as opposed to falling asleep on the couch at 6pm.
i've spent the past two weekends with eric. yes, i'm naming names. i was feeling unloved and under-appreciated so i went back to the one with the fear of commitment except when it comes to blondes and i drank champagne with him and ate pizza and he told me that he loved me over and over again. we danced around in our underwear and slept in the afternoons and we told everyone that we were getting married someday and i left smiling.
finally, i'm starting to feel like myself again.
i know eric will spend this week bedding a few different girls; most of them familiar. and i'll go back to my side of the bed in the house with the dog and my toothbrush and the sink full of dishes and my wardrobe that i hate in bags all over the floor. but at least, for my birthday, i'll feel beautiful and appreciated and somewhat more like the person i used to be before unhappiness set in.
i'll probably spend next weekend with him, too.
i think i'm back to normal. as much as i can be, anyway. i'm starting to feel witty and funny again and somewhat attractive to the opposite sex. i still hate my wardrobe. i hate my bank account more for not affording me the ability to improve upon the wardrobe that i hate. i'm still too afraid to let myself be alone, meaning i'm still stuck in a dead-end relationship with an absolute mess who is addicted to opiates and doesn't love me for who i really am. i still don't feel like i've done enough dancing to make up for the three months i spent hiding indoors. i'm still trying to figure out how to get home after work and get things done as opposed to falling asleep on the couch at 6pm.
i've spent the past two weekends with eric. yes, i'm naming names. i was feeling unloved and under-appreciated so i went back to the one with the fear of commitment except when it comes to blondes and i drank champagne with him and ate pizza and he told me that he loved me over and over again. we danced around in our underwear and slept in the afternoons and we told everyone that we were getting married someday and i left smiling.
finally, i'm starting to feel like myself again.
i know eric will spend this week bedding a few different girls; most of them familiar. and i'll go back to my side of the bed in the house with the dog and my toothbrush and the sink full of dishes and my wardrobe that i hate in bags all over the floor. but at least, for my birthday, i'll feel beautiful and appreciated and somewhat more like the person i used to be before unhappiness set in.
i'll probably spend next weekend with him, too.
Friday, October 10, 2008
yikes.
Megan and I are starting a new Halloween costume line as a form of protest. There are far too many sexy costume lines and they're all getting a bit ridiculous. Today, i saw a sexy candy corn costume. And a sexy bullfighter. What the hoot.
Sexy Band-Aid
Sexy Booger
Sexy Pee Wee Herman
Sexy Baby
Sexy Stork delivering babies
Sexy Midwife
Sexy iPod
Sexy Suffragette
Sexy Richard Nixon
Sexy George W.
Sexy Hillary Clinton
Sexy Winnie the Pooh
Sexy Paddington
We are kicking ass at this one. All we need is some start-up capital….
Megan Jackson
Client Associate
Barney & Barney LLC
-----Original Message-----From: Wheeler, Misty [mailto:mwheeler@ucsd.edu] Sent: Friday, October 10, 2008 4:32 PMTo: Megan JacksonSubject: RE: Costumes
Sexy Pizza Slice
Sexy Milk Carton
Sexy Hitler
Sexy Exterminator
Sexy Hang Glider
Sexy Felix the Cat
The Sexy Lollipop Guild
Sexy Teletubby
Sexy Switchboard Operator
Sexy Phone Booth
Seriously, I think we’re going to make a killing here. We’re loaded with ideas.
From: Megan Jackson [mailto:meganj@barneyandbarney.com] Sent: Friday, October 10, 2008 4:26 PMTo: Wheeler, MistySubject: RE: Costumes
Sexy Vulture
Sexy Porky Pig
Sexy Elmer Fudd
Sexy Liberace
Sexy Beethoven
Sexy Oreo
Sexy Gilligan
Sexy Taco (that poops ice cream?)
Sexy Used Condom
Sexy Charles Manson
Sexy Cousin Itt
Megan Jackson
Client Associate
Barney & Barney LLC
-----Original Message-----From: Wheeler, Misty [mailto:mwheeler@ucsd.edu] Sent: Friday, October 10, 2008 4:19 PMTo: Megan JacksonSubject: RE: Costumes
Sexy Pickle
Sexy Sock Monkey
Sexy Houseplant
Sexy Fire Hydrant
Sexy Stenographer
Sexy Donald Duck
Three Sexy Stooges
Sexy Soccer Mom
Sexy Cupcake
From: Megan Jackson [mailto:meganj@barneyandbarney.com] Sent: Friday, October 10, 2008 4:15 PMTo: Wheeler, MistySubject: RE: Costumes
Sexy Refugee!!!
Sexy Cancer Patient
Sexy Homeless Person
Sexy Kid Sister/My Buddy
Sexy Garbage Pail Kids
Sexy Child Molester
Sexy Telemarketer
Sexy Martha Stewart
Sexy Big Bird
Sexy Elmo
Sexy Insurance Salesman (heh.)
Sexy Maytag Repairman
Sexy Wilford Brimley
Sexy Bill Cosby
Megan Jackson
Client Associate
Barney & Barney LLC
-----Original Message-----From: Wheeler, Misty [mailto:mwheeler@ucsd.edu] Sent: Friday, October 10, 2008 4:08 PMTo: Megan JacksonSubject: RE: Costumes
The Sexy Alamo might be my new favorite thing ever
I’m adding this to my blog as it is the most hilarious email in the world. Please include your original ideas in your next reply. Do not forget my favorite, Sexy Refugee.
Sexy Train Conductor
Sexy Richard Simmons
Sexy Brangelina’s Twins
Sexy Zonkey
Sexy Whoopi Goldberg
Sexy Quaker
Sexy Willow
Sexy Rubber Ducky
From: Megan Jackson [mailto:meganj@barneyandbarney.com] Sent: Friday, October 10, 2008 4:03 PMTo: Wheeler, MistySubject: RE: Costumes
Sexy Chicken Wing
Sexy Hot Dog on a Stick employee
Sexy Tick
Sexy Monster Truck
The Sexy Alamo
Sexy Twin Towers (ooh, too soon?)
Sexy Jerry Seinfeld
Sexy T-Rex
Megan Jackson
Client Associate
Barney & Barney LLC
-----Original Message-----From: Wheeler, Misty [mailto:mwheeler@ucsd.edu] Sent: Friday, October 10, 2008 3:59 PMTo: Megan JacksonSubject: Costumes
Sexy Ben Franklin
Sexy The Beatles
Sexy Moses
Sexy Queen Mother
Sexy stapler
Sexy seagull
Sexy thimble
Sexy potato
Sexy Band-Aid
Sexy Booger
Sexy Pee Wee Herman
Sexy Baby
Sexy Stork delivering babies
Sexy Midwife
Sexy iPod
Sexy Suffragette
Sexy Richard Nixon
Sexy George W.
Sexy Hillary Clinton
Sexy Winnie the Pooh
Sexy Paddington
We are kicking ass at this one. All we need is some start-up capital….
Megan Jackson
Client Associate
Barney & Barney LLC
-----Original Message-----From: Wheeler, Misty [mailto:mwheeler@ucsd.edu] Sent: Friday, October 10, 2008 4:32 PMTo: Megan JacksonSubject: RE: Costumes
Sexy Pizza Slice
Sexy Milk Carton
Sexy Hitler
Sexy Exterminator
Sexy Hang Glider
Sexy Felix the Cat
The Sexy Lollipop Guild
Sexy Teletubby
Sexy Switchboard Operator
Sexy Phone Booth
Seriously, I think we’re going to make a killing here. We’re loaded with ideas.
From: Megan Jackson [mailto:meganj@barneyandbarney.com] Sent: Friday, October 10, 2008 4:26 PMTo: Wheeler, MistySubject: RE: Costumes
Sexy Vulture
Sexy Porky Pig
Sexy Elmer Fudd
Sexy Liberace
Sexy Beethoven
Sexy Oreo
Sexy Gilligan
Sexy Taco (that poops ice cream?)
Sexy Used Condom
Sexy Charles Manson
Sexy Cousin Itt
Megan Jackson
Client Associate
Barney & Barney LLC
-----Original Message-----From: Wheeler, Misty [mailto:mwheeler@ucsd.edu] Sent: Friday, October 10, 2008 4:19 PMTo: Megan JacksonSubject: RE: Costumes
Sexy Pickle
Sexy Sock Monkey
Sexy Houseplant
Sexy Fire Hydrant
Sexy Stenographer
Sexy Donald Duck
Three Sexy Stooges
Sexy Soccer Mom
Sexy Cupcake
From: Megan Jackson [mailto:meganj@barneyandbarney.com] Sent: Friday, October 10, 2008 4:15 PMTo: Wheeler, MistySubject: RE: Costumes
Sexy Refugee!!!
Sexy Cancer Patient
Sexy Homeless Person
Sexy Kid Sister/My Buddy
Sexy Garbage Pail Kids
Sexy Child Molester
Sexy Telemarketer
Sexy Martha Stewart
Sexy Big Bird
Sexy Elmo
Sexy Insurance Salesman (heh.)
Sexy Maytag Repairman
Sexy Wilford Brimley
Sexy Bill Cosby
Megan Jackson
Client Associate
Barney & Barney LLC
-----Original Message-----From: Wheeler, Misty [mailto:mwheeler@ucsd.edu] Sent: Friday, October 10, 2008 4:08 PMTo: Megan JacksonSubject: RE: Costumes
The Sexy Alamo might be my new favorite thing ever
I’m adding this to my blog as it is the most hilarious email in the world. Please include your original ideas in your next reply. Do not forget my favorite, Sexy Refugee.
Sexy Train Conductor
Sexy Richard Simmons
Sexy Brangelina’s Twins
Sexy Zonkey
Sexy Whoopi Goldberg
Sexy Quaker
Sexy Willow
Sexy Rubber Ducky
From: Megan Jackson [mailto:meganj@barneyandbarney.com] Sent: Friday, October 10, 2008 4:03 PMTo: Wheeler, MistySubject: RE: Costumes
Sexy Chicken Wing
Sexy Hot Dog on a Stick employee
Sexy Tick
Sexy Monster Truck
The Sexy Alamo
Sexy Twin Towers (ooh, too soon?)
Sexy Jerry Seinfeld
Sexy T-Rex
Megan Jackson
Client Associate
Barney & Barney LLC
-----Original Message-----From: Wheeler, Misty [mailto:mwheeler@ucsd.edu] Sent: Friday, October 10, 2008 3:59 PMTo: Megan JacksonSubject: Costumes
Sexy Ben Franklin
Sexy The Beatles
Sexy Moses
Sexy Queen Mother
Sexy stapler
Sexy seagull
Sexy thimble
Sexy potato
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